A reflection on a weekend of faith, sexuality & belonging
This past weekend, we hosted two days of conversation, story & community around Faith, Sexuality & Belonging. It was a weekend full of laughter, tears, truth-telling, connection, and…need I say, discomfort. If the stories and sex talk on Saturday had not already made some of you sense some discomfort, Sunday’s drag-queen-led gathering did it for a number of us - including me.
My own discomfort took me by surprise. After all, I helped to plan this event. I knew our guest well and trusted his leadership. I had even experienced a very similar drag-me-to-church session at the Wild Goose Festival last summer.
Because I’m learning this disconcerting feeling can be an unwelcome yet necessary teacher, instead of judging my discomfort, I finally decided to lean in, to listen & be curious:
Was I worried about how people would react? Was I afraid they would be offended? Was I concerned we would be misunderstood? Was I worried about my reputation? What was my discomfort about? What was yours, if you felt it, about? And what do we do with it?
If you, like me, felt some level of discomfort, here are a few unsolicited suggestions ...
Let discomfort give us a glimpse of what it’s like for those who live in a state of discomfort. I am embarrassed to say that I first blurted out my uneasiness to a friend who identifies as LGBTQ. She was wise enough & kind enough to gently, but clearly remind me that she knows that feeling very well. I was instantly reminded of being told by another friend that she and her partner have to “come out” every single time they enter a new space. That’s a kind of discomfort I know nothing about. Even a tinge of it and I’m sure I’ve done something wrong - imagine being made to feel wrong simply by being in the room - simply by being you. Some of you don’t have to imagine.
Let discomfort draw us into conversation with one another. It's tempting to treat church like a restaurant. If you don’t like what’s on the menu, you just pick up and leave without explanation. But the church is not a product for our consumption - it’s a community that we choose to be a part of. Instead of pulling away when things get uncomfortable, what might happen if we lean in to listen and to learn?
Let discomfort be what it is - an unavoidable & necessary part of practicing the way of Jesus. When we read the gospels, we quickly realize that Jesus made almost everyone uncomfortable - especially the religious insiders & gatekeepers of his day. And why was that? Because he was always pushing the boundaries, always including, healing & loving the unsightly, the outsider, the “sinner”, the enemy. If we are feeling discomfort, it may actually mean we are right where we need to be.
And finally, let discomfort lead us to look around and seek another’s perspective. While some of us felt some discomfort this weekend, others felt seen. Some who have felt alienated, excluded or devalued by the church, from what I’ve heard, felt included, affirmed and even re-valued and that’s worth something.
Actually, I think it’s worth everything.
I think that’s the point, and I may have missed it as I worried that this weekend might be too much for some in our community. I’m embarrassed to admit that. Thankfully though, when we create a safe space for real stories to be told, we create space for my story to be told, too.
And in so doing, I too get to experience the gift of true belonging … thanks be to God (& The Lady Douché)!
Looking forward to hearing what stirred, soothed or challenged you about our time together…
Peace & love,
Susan